Thomas,
I
imagine I should inform you of a certain matter sooner rather than later;
although, it now comes somewhat late. But
not long after you and Elizabeth departed for parts north, a rather substantial
sink hole developed in your backyard—well, mostly in your backyard, with a bit
on my side and some, I believe, in the Green Zone. George Smith of the Lakes Grounds Committee
came by soon after it happened to take a look.
George believes the sink hole developed due to, perhaps, overly aggressive
lopping of kudzu and skunk vine. The
leaves, he believes, serve to disperse the rain, and with the leaves gone, the
rain, especially the extremely hard rains we had in late May and June, drilled
right down into the earth and fostered the sinkhole. With all the rain, the hole quickly filled
with water, and the water level has remained constant and overtime gained
clarity on par with Weeki Wachee. George and I approached the Lakes HOA, and
while they plan to do nothing about the hole, they did stock it with rainbow
trout. Unfortunately, trout, like yours
truly, require cool water, and they quickly died, but our HOA, always striving to please, restocked the
sinkhole, or, I suppose, the pond, with largemouth bass, and those fish are thriving! I’ve caught many, and it’s quite a joy to take fresh fish directly to my
charcoal grill. As to the sinkhole’s
dimensions, it’s longer than your pool by a half and wider by two. No doubt, you’ll want to use it for swimming,
but I’m compelled to warn you that in addition to the fish, a small alligator
(some four feet in length), and two Burmese pythons of much greater length have
taken up residence at what I suggest we call, as it’s mostly on your property,
“Meier’s Pond.” Those creatures were not
stocked courtesy of the HOA, but arrived sua sponte, in the manner of U.S. Army
Rangers. One python punched a hole in
your pool screen, and sometimes swims in the pool and lounges on the lanai (information
best kept from Elizabeth; your pool man said before her return, he would repair
the screen and wrap the lower portion with chicken wire). You’re probably
concerned about me fishing in the pond with such creatures about, but no
worries, as I’ve bought a small fishing boat—just a dingy with paddles—that I
leave in the water on my side of the pond, naturally, where I’ve built a dock, and
feel free to use either whenever you like.
Even so, I am most vigilant walking to and from the dingy, especially
from it with a stringer of fish as that gator has a nose for fish and once
chased me twice around my house before I managed to build up a substantial lead
and escape into the garage. You’re probably thinking, “Why didn’t you just throw
him a fish?” To which I say, “To Hell
with him! Let him catch his own damn
fish!” (We certainly don’t want to
attract a pack of eleemosynary gators.) Oh,
and I was wondering, how do you feel about catfish? I’ve forgotten whether or not you like them,
but regardless, would you mind if I contact Fish & Wildlife and request
they stock the pond with flathead cats? (I love catfish!) I spoke with Joey about the python, and he
said not to kill one until he gets back, as it’s a good eating snake, excellent
for BBQ, tastes somewhat like a cross between chicken and farm raised salmon
that I know you like, so I figure once you and Joey get back, we’ll have a
Burmese Python BBQ. Anyway, Thomas,
that’s the long and short of it. While having a sinkhole in your back yard is
not optimal in regard to resale value, it grows on you, or it did on me, in any
event. Oh, I forgot to mention, LJ said
it would really look nice with flowering bushes planted along the shore; while
I agree, that’s your call, of course. On the other hand, if the bushes get too
tall, you won’t be able to see the egrets and blue heron. Life is full of choices, I suppose. Hope all
is well up North.
Best,
Steve
P.S.
I write this from jail as I was caught
fishing in “our” pond without a Florida Fishing License. What a travesty of
justice! But, regardless, I will be out
in a few days and free to inspect your and Joey’s property, although both were
fine the last time I looked, except for the sinkhole.
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